Let's Talk About Sex

Sex therapist Stephanie Buehler offers insight on Orange County sex life.

You may get a chuckle out of Stephanie Buehler if you ask her whether she always wanted to be a sex therapist. Working as an elementary school teacher in the 1980s, Buehler’s days were spent teaching inner city Los Angeles children to speak English. Quite a far cry from talking to adult couples about sex all day.

Though she did require an initial adjustment period to be able to discuss the variety of sex topics she may advise on, four years later, the Irvine-based psychologist is virtually blush-proof.

In October 2006 she founded The Buehler Institute, a sex therapy group. Certified through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, Buehler deals with a range of client types and sexual complaints. “I’m just never, ever bored,” she says, adding that as many as 80% of clients are married couples and the most common complaint is low sexual desire.

As sexy as it may sound, Buehler’s line of work isn’t fun and games. Clients are often depressed about their particular problem and cases  can get very complex.  “I think (others) think people come into my office because they want to learn how to have better sex,” Buehler says. “But a lot of times people come into my office because they’re not having any sex.”

Buehler examines various elements of her clients’ lives – biology, mental health, sexual history, etc. – to determine what she can do to help, or if the case needs to be referred out to another professional, like a doctor. Her major strategies for couples are helping them improve intimacy and communication, and offering general education about sex. “Most people don’t know that much about sex,” she says. “They know what they’ve learned on TV or from their friends.”

Movies often portray sex as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, Buehler says. An entire film can be based on whether a couple will have sex by movie’s end and when it happens, it’s all over quickly and perfectly. But true life is more complicated and there’s a lot more to sex than intercourse, which is why Buehler offers some tips for a healthier love life:

• Know yourself sexually. What do you like? What are your turn-offs? Communicate this information to your partner.

• Create an atmosphere of trust inside and outside the bedroom. You should feel like you can share anything with your partner without being ridiculed or disappointed with his or her response, and vice versa.

• For couples getting married, try changing your expectations about your wedding night from great to none. The stress and tension surrounding weddings and difficulty with sex for some couples can sometimes lead to a disappointing wedding night. So relieve the pressure by planning it as a night of relaxation rather than sex. Save sex for the second or third night of your honeymoon or when you are both ready. “Be patient in learning about each other sexually,” she says. “Remind yourself that this is a honeymoon, but you have the rest of your life to work things out together.”

For more information, visit www.thebuehlerinstitute.com or call (800) 769-0342.

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