8 Mile High

This is what fascinates me about Erin and I. We’re working out at the same club, with the same trainer and have the same goals – but she sees the world this way:

One of my favorite things about The Sports Club/LA-Orange County is the personal TV on every piece of cardio equipment. At my old gym, the cardio room had four shared TVs hanging from the ceiling and listening to the sound required possession of a walkman with a radio tuner (is it 1985?). So instead, I usually passed time on the treadmill by listening to a fabulous 80s mix on my iPod (pretending it was 1985). Anyway, as much as I love Duran Duran, Madonna and Prince, the time goes by so much faster when I’m watching a movie or a rerun of “Friends” on my personal TV!

This morning I stepped onto the treadmill a little unsure about my workout plan and tuned into the "Today" show. Every 10 minutes or so, Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira teased an upcoming exclusive interview with recently deceased Brittany Murphy’s husband and mother. The emphasis was definitely on the fact that they’d be revealing the cause of her death at the young age of 32. I wouldn’t have considered myself a particularly big fan of Brittany’s – although I did love her work in Clueless (note: I’m moving into 1995) –  but I felt compelled to watch the interview.

I ran a mile on the treadmill as a warm-up, but because I’d run 5K on the treadmill the day before, I thought I’d shake things up and switched to the elliptical, where I logged two miles. I was thinking about heading to the locker room since I felt satisfied that I’d completed a three-mile session, but the interview still hadn’t aired, so I switched to the bike where I pedaled for two miles… then three… then four. Finally the interview came on and I learned that the cause of death really hadn’t been determined.

So much for those teasers. In an effort to get to the office at a decent hour, I hopped off the bike when I hit five miles. Walking to the locker room, proud that I’d managed to complete an eight-mile workout, it occurred to my superstitious side that Brittany Murphy co-starred with Eminem in the rap flick 8 Mile. I shivered as I stepped into the shower, not because I was covered in sweat, but because I felt like Brittany herself had pushed me to complete the eight-mile workout, somehow reaching out from the afterlife, encouraging me to take advantage of every minute and inspiring me to continue on this journey in 2010.

And I see it this way:

I am, officially, the least efficient fat-burning machine trainer Sal Fazio has ever seen come into The Sports Club/LA-Orange County. I worry I will go the way of Brittany Murphy, who I see all over the TV screens posted all over the club. I wonder if there is actually something wrong with my heart, a concern that makes it beat even faster.

Yep – my heart is a mystery (and Sal is not the first man I’ve heard this from). My resting heart rate is so high that it’s already at 80% of the maximum it should be to burn fat. After two minutes on the treadmill, I’ve reached my peak and am starting to burn glucose, and protein, and gulp, muscle.

He knows this because he’s tested me on the club’s Target Zone – a test to see how efficiently the body is burning fat as well as the volume of oxygen your body consumes during exercise and how efficiently you use it. It’s a painfully long seven-to-12-minute test on a treadmill with a heart monitor and what looks like an oxygen mask that measures ventilation exchange. After you huff along with increased speed and inclination, the machine sets up a program tailored to your body for the most efficient use of your workouts. Then it prints out a bunch of cards that let you know how long you should be in your target zone.

Basically, my cards say that I need to be in a zone with a heart rate of 100-113 for one minute (I can barely get there while I’m asleep) and then for five minutes, be up to 169. Since I’m well over 180 by minute two, this is a challenging proposition, which he decides he needs further consultation on in order to make a recommendation.

Trainer Mike Brandmeier says this: “Forget that test. You are out of shape. You need to come in here three days a week and do more cardio and then we will re-test you and see if your heart rate has improved.” Mike says Sal consulted with him and that’s what they decided.

I have my own workout idea: Meditate for one minute, concentrating on slowing down my breath. Walk up one flight of stairs to get a drink of water. Meditate at the water fountain for one minute to bring my heart rate back down. Walk down the stairs to the locker room, weigh myself and walk back up to the mats. Meditate again. Strike up a conversation with one of the stud muffins who frequents the club (talking, it seems, brings my heart rate up to 80%), then sit back down and breathe. This seems, to me, the most efficient way to burn fat, so that I can win the biggest loser contest, which has two weeks to go.  Brittany is my inspiration, too. My heart rate will strengthen, my heart will strengthen, is my new mantra.